The Boy who Wouldn't Die
by RandomnessRox
Summary: Anakin was a boy with many faults. Oh...wait, no he wasn't, that's the sheep living across the road. But he did have one fault–he just wouldn't die. [Chapter 2] [Discontinued]
1. The Evil Mall

**The Boy who Wouldn't Die**

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, Hit me Baby One More Time, nor do I own the town Innisfil, which is in Canada. However, I do own the idea of an Evil Mall and Smart Juice. All you stalkers out there: I DO NOT LIVE IN INNISFIL.

Welcome to my newest fic, _The Boy who Wouldn't Die. _Many props to Maxie for pretty much giving me the idea.

There is NO Anakin slashing in this fic, no matter what the summary may suggest to some people. (Duh, I love Ani, how could I do that?) There's just OOC-ness, similar to my last fic, _Luke I am Your Mushroom. _So if you like this you ought to read that fic (and vice-versa).

**Chapter One: The Evil Mall from Innisfil**

Anakin was a boy with many faults. Oh, wait, no he wasn't. But he did have ONE fault–he just wouldn't die.

You see, someone with his skills would of course be much wanted by the likes of a Sith. But like I said...he just wouldn't die. No matter how many times people tried to kill him (which was a lot).

It was actually quite aggravating.

Unless you love him, as I do.

But, getting sidetracked here.

* * *

Anakin was on his way to do a little...shopping. Yes, let's call it shopping.

Well, it _was _shopping...but not the shopping you'd expect, like grocery shopping, or clothes shopping.

Nay, Anakin was shopping for Smart Juice. YES, Smart Juice. Stupid name, but I didn't invent it! (Actually, yes I did, but shh)

ANYWAY, Anakin was on his way to buy some Smart Juice for Obi-Wan, because he was starting to act just a little fishy...

(((((Flashback)))))

"MASTER, we have to meditate! You even said so yourself not even 5 minutes ago!" Anakin cried, dismayed.

"NO. Don't wanna." Obi-Wan pouted.

"Maaassterrr..." Anakin complained, when suddenly he was struck by a brilliant idea. HE SHOULD SING AND DANCE WHILE SPINNING ON HIS HEAD!

Suddenly, all the lights went down, except for a pink spotlight on Anakin, loud music came on, and...wait for it...Anakin began to sing (Not while spinning on his head though, no matter how much he may have thought that was a good idea). He had a lovely voice...

"Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know...That something wasn't right here...Oh baby, baby, I shouldn't have let you go...And now you're out of sight, yeah...Show me how you want it to be...Tell me baby cause I need to know now what we have...my loneliness is killing me (and I) I must confess, I still believe (still believe) When I'm not with you I lose my mind...Give me a sign...HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME," there was a dramatic echo as Anakin/Britney Spears finished that last line.

"LLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Obi-Wan cried. I think he meant 'Lol.' Wonder why he didn't do it instead of saying it?

Anakin hurried off towards his room, eager to change out of his now pink robes. _I can't believe that didn't work! I was sure that would bring Obi-Wan back to sanity...Ohhhh man I can't believe I just DID that! I hope to God Padme didn't see that..._

(((((End Flashback)))))

And so, at his wits ends, Anakin ended up here, in a mall, in Innisfil, in Ontario, in Canada, in North America, on Planet Earth. That's a long way to come if you're traveling from Coruscant, you know.

* * *

As Anakin entered the mall, he found himself face to face with a giant sign that said, "TURN BACK NOW OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE EVIL MALL!" Oddly enough, Anakin's spidy-sense wasn't kicking in.

Anakin walked for a while...then he walked some more...then he stopped by the food court ("I just HAVE to try some of these tires...doughnuts, are they called now? Well they look more like tires to me...") and then he finally arrived at his destination.

**"_The Smart Store! For all things genius."_**

Anakin was greeted by a balding man who kept using funny words like 'discombobulate' and 'heterogeneous.' Finally, Anakin got away from the crazed old man, bought his Smart Juice, and quickly left the store.

Little did Anakin know...evil was stalking him, everywhere he went. In fact, just then, in the Smart Store, a fan had dropped from the ceiling. But, when it was about to crash on Anakin's head, his Jedi powers automatically threw the fan across the room. Funny thing, Anakin never noticed.

* * *

When Anakin got back to his speeder, what he would find would break his heart.

His most treasured possession had been stolen.

"NOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOO! MY EXTREMELY SUGGESTIVE PICTURE OF PADME AND I!" Anakin cried in horror. He collapsed on the ground heart-breakingly and you could see pretty, silver tears streaking (even his tears are sick-minded!) down his cheek.

A little while later, Anakin was sitting on the ground, with his knees drawn to his chest, chanting, "Find a happy place, Find a happy place," in between telling himself it was only a picture.

A few hours later, it finally clicked–it WAS just a picture! And, plus, Anakin had LOADS more back home. (Somebody has just a _teensy _fixation...)

Anakin got to his feet and yelled at the top of his lungs, "HA! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD THWART ME...BUT YOU WERE WRONG!" while pointing at the mall (now dubbed 'The Evil Mall'). Then he drew out his blue crystal lightsaber and totally destroyed the Evil Mall.

* * *

Just around the corner, a perfectly sane Obi-Wan Kenobi sat with an extremely suggestive picture of Anakin and Senator Amidala. _Man, this is SUCH good blackmail material! Not only do I have this picture, but I got Anakin's outburst AND Britney Spears performance on tape! And to think, he really believed I was insane...and he came all the way down here to buy me Smart Juice! Like that stuff ever works..._

Anakin won't die, but he CAN be blackmailed!

* * *

So what did you guys think? Personally, I think it was a little long and it could have used way more humor, but that's just me. And if you liked this, read _Luke, I am Your Mushroom. _PLEASE REVIEW! 


	2. Blackmail to be Manipulated

**The Boy who Wouldn't Die**

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, but I do own the plot. Stealers beware (narrows eyes)

Sorry this took so long, but I had no ideas. Actually, I still have no ideas, but whatever. This is my attempt at writing something.

**Chapter Two: Blackmail to be Manipulated**

_Heh. What great material this is. Amazing how even a month later, I still feel proud of myself, _Obi-Wan thought one morning while meditating in the Jedi Temple.

If you ever wondered what Jedi actually think about while meditating (that was hypothetical. If you've actually ever wondered that, you're a square. No offense, or anything.), they usually think about killing, or fighting, or revenge…or, in this case, blackmailing.

A month back, Obi-Wan had gotten some great footage of Anakin acting…no, not acting, _being _an idiot on tape.

(((((Flashback)))))

Anakin was on his way to do a little...shopping. Yes, let's call it shopping.

Anakin was on his way to buy some Smart Juice for Obi-Wan, because he was starting to act just a little fishy...

"MASTER, we have to meditate! You even said so yourself not even 5 minutes ago!" Anakin cried, dismayed.

"NO. Don't wanna." Obi-Wan pouted.

Suddenly, all the lights went down, except for a pink spotlight on Anakin, and loud music came on.

"Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know...That something wasn't right here... HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!" there was a dramatic echo as Anakin/Britney Spears finished that last line.

I can't believe that didn't work! I was sure that would bring Obi-Wan back to sanity...Ohh man I can't believe I just DID that! I hope to God Padme didn't see that...

(((((End Flashback)))))

Ahh, yes. Obi-Wan remembered the moment so clearly, especially holding his breath and trying not to laugh!

Obi-Wan managed to capture the Kodak moment on tape with a hidden camera hidden in his lightsaber, which was hidden beside him on the floor. That's a lot of "hidden"s isn't it?

Anyway, what Anakin hadn't realized at the time was that he had revealed his darkest secret on tape. Those last few lines were not meant to be uttered aloud, but they were—he'd been muttering under his breath. Hidden cameras will pick up even the smallest sounds, you know, so it all came out crystal clear.

Obi-Wan was going to make sure little Ani's worst fears would be realized.

Padme was going to think Anakin was a freak, and figure out that he was really…

Britney Spears IN DISGUISE! (AN: I couldn't resist saying that)

Obi-Wan also had other footage, but as it was of Anakin destroying an "evil" building, he might get in trouble, too if the tape were shown. Questions would be asked, "Why weren't you with him?" and comments would be made, "Surely you've trained Anakin better than this!"

SO, back to the point. Today Obi-Wan would show the video of Anakin/Britney Spears to Miss. Amidala, then Anakin's life would fall apart. It was cruel, he knew. But then, Obi-Wan was a cruel person.

* * *

Obi-Wan approached the beautiful young senator gracefully—he turned a series of pirouettes and spun into her arms—later that afternoon, insisting he had some "important Jedi news" to inform her of.

He led Padme into a separate room with nothing but a holovid, a chair, and Anakin tied to another chair in it.

"Oh my Lord, what have you done? Why is Young Skywalker (at this, Anakin scowled) held captive? Has he done something wrong?" Padme cried.

"No, no, milady, I assure you, he is fine. He requested that he be tied down in order to refrain from doing something rash in the presence of your beauty, milady," Obi-Wan replied with a totally straight face, as he knew this was exactly the kind of thing Anakin would say. Truthfully, Obi-Wan wanted to put Anakin through even more torture by making him watch his love's reaction. Padme simply blushed and quickly turned away and sat down in the empty seat.

"Now, this may be shocking to you, Miss. Amidala, but whatever you may feel, don't scream, alright?" Obi-Wan started the tape.

Everything was going as planned. Padme was shrieking, Anakin was trying to comfort her as much as he could without moving by crying, "No, no! Dahling it's not what you think!" If I were Padme, that would only have made it worse.

"But, baby, this is _WONDERFUL! _" Padme exclaimed, running over to Anakin. "It's fantastic you've gotten in touch with your inner feminine side! I do so admire a man who can do that," She gripped his still-tied-up shoulders with a grin that could rival the Cheshire Cat's.

Padme quickly untied Anakin and fell into his arms as he embraced her.

Anakin just glared at Obi-Wan while at the same time feeling terribly relieved everything had worked out for the best. In fact, maybe this could be his big break! Destroy a big, bad villain (the "Evil Mall"), get the girl…he was just lucky that Padme thought he was getting in touch with his inner self. Yeah, and ties are the latest hair accessory.

"Obi-Wan, thank you _so _much for showing me that useful bit of information. I'm sure we'll live a _very _happy life together, won't we, Ani?" She put her arm around Anakin's shoulder and squeezed him. "You have a nice life, too, okay? Well we must be going, ta ta!"

_Well, if that wasn't disturbing, I don't know what is. But, DAMN! He used that to benefit himself. Anakin totally manipulated me! Not on purpose, I'm sure, for that simply isn't possible, but……Oh well, at least I still have this extremely suggestive picture! Maybe I'll put it up at the next Jedi Christmas Party.

* * *

_

A/N: Okay, that was SO weird. But whatever, I liked it. I think it's a good story line, even if it wasn't funny.

Again, I'm sorry it took me so long to update. This was probably pretty disappointing compared to the last chapter but I don't care. _I _like it.

REVIEW, sil vous plait!

_**ATA- That's nice.**_

_**Padfoot Reincarnated- In this chapter it was more like poor Obi-Wan, lmao. This story is all about how Anakin can always turn around a situation somehow. He just won't die. He won't be broken**_

_**ZazZieDK- I liked that part too. Sorry this chapter wasn't as funny as the last. **_

_**Bookwrm17- You have a cool pen name. Lmao don't ask for some reason I just like it. Hope you liked the update.**_

_**Jade Rhade- Wow…long review. I like long reviews. Well, I did half your wish, anyway. Obi-Wan did show the tape to Padme, but in the end it was Anakin and Padme together. Of course! **_

_**Jess-the-psycho-cat- Yay you reviewed! Not many 'Luke I am Your Mushroom' people did. Only 4. Anyway, no problem. It was my pleasure to spread the word of the End of Ze World thing…yeah.**_

**_Eriks leadinglady- Thankies for the compliments :)_**

_**Rachel 791- I did write more XD Did you like the update?**_


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